Fiducia nessuno
by Mikealson
Summary: In a world where there is no for sentiments, where the though-mindedness and uncompromising of the cold mind reign, it is not difficult to bury inside yourself inclination to "manifest weakness". But, having risen once, it will never leave you, even Commander is powerless before it. The narrative begins with the death of Finn. Twitter - @MamirovaAG


**Chapter 1. "Pain toughens up character".**

 **POV LEXA**

The last words that remained a riddle for me. The last exhalation. Relaxation of muscles. A frozen smile. The quiet sob of Sky people Princess, which was in stark contrast to the booming screams of my warriors, demanding to realize well-deserved revenge, and groans of pain and sorrow on the other side of camp gate.

Realizing that the murderer was dead, Indra lightly drew her blade and lunged toward the Princess of Sky people. But one look, and her thoughtless liberty is suppressed at the root. Our laws are an arch of rules based on the deep respect for Commander and unquestioning obedience, violation of which is cruelly punished. In the eyes of my people, ire was read, ready just about to pour out into a bloody carnage in search of the retaliation of the perished. The crowd chanted "Jus drein jus daun!" filling of the hearts of Sky people by the horror, only their unofficial leader unshakably stood under the onslaught of an increasing rumble, unable to look away from me. The look was filled with undisguised hatred and pain, but there was something else in it, more precisely the absence of something. The absence of confidence and courage. The absence of vitality. At that moment her gaze was similar to the look of a dying man, a look of humility... She didn't try to hide it from me, conversely she raised a "white flag". In her gaze could read one thing: "You broke me, you can exult"...

I didn't look away, only said coldly: "The pain, a murderer must had experienced for every life he took away, is negligible, compared to the pain that fall upon her and with which she will need to fall asleep and wake up every day". Princess of Sky people just wandered silently toward her camp. A few minutes after her departure, counselor Kane came with a request to return the body, but the second time in the evening to disturb our laws in favor of Sky people was an unacceptable luxury. The refusal was obvious, in response the counselor enquired as to whether it seemed to be possible for them to escort their person to another world. The question didn't catch me unawares:

No, I think it's not a best idea. In the settlement people will not be happy with you.

Counselor is a person who has knack for negotiations, building tactics of the battle conducting and developing strategies. He isn't the one who would contradict the leader, whose people outnumber and exceed his own physically. Kane perfectly understood for whom this alliance is advantageous, even necessary. Respectfully bowing his head, he hasted to leave my chambers.

But even couple seconds didn't pass as Clark flew into. Disrespectfully. Cavalierly. Her ardor diminished after the meeting with my gaze. However, the steel in the voice with an admixture of reproachful notes didn't abyss:

I will say goodbye to him. - Sky Princess pronounced words intentionally slowly and firmly. Now she with all her essence emanated steadfastness. Well. Choose someone for close support. At dawn we'll move forward. - She was astonished by my consent, it was seen from her that she prepared for a durational confrontation of the disposition. But only the far-sighted leader knows it's better to lose the battle in order to win the war.

Left in the privacy of myself, I reveled in minutes of quietness and tranquility before sunrise.

When the night comes into own, and the sky lights up with billions twinkling "light bulbs", beckoning the earthly souls from the depths of the universe, my life takes on colors. It would seem, it is paradox - the earth is covered by darkness, under the equable steps of which the saturated color palette disappears, the objects lose their outlines, acquiring horrendous forms and bends, and such-like metamorphosis don't pass me by: under the curtain of the night, I can at least try to be one by whom was exactly a year ago.

 **Flashback**

 _\- Commander, the messenger has arrived! - the personal guard informed me._

 _\- Let him come in. - trying to hide the excitement and anxiety in my voice I replied._

 _\- Commander! - rendering a salute, the possessor of the news came in. - We found her. Costia is at the Queen of Ice nation. Only one condition: your life in exchange for her. Time before sunrise. - Also dry and without emotions the warrior reported to me and hurried to leave my chambers._

 _I do not even have a choice for effectuation of self-sacrifice for the sake my significant other - I do not belong myself, I belong my people. I can only pray that time will go faster before sunrise. Pray that her agony will soon come to an end, and thank the Creator for I am not hearing her screams for help, her groans of pain and pleading to stop the torment._

 _Sitting at the door of a perennial oak tree, I observed how the horizon line gradually stained in saturated orange color with the rays of the sun. And here it is. Time is over. Forgive me. I felt the wet path on my cheek. Instantly I was astonished by an unbearable, physically palpable pain in the chest that didn't let me to breathe, squeezing the lungs, tearing my heart, simply killing... I wanted to scream..., but not a single sound broke the silence of the morning bliss. I wanted to destroy... However the decision came by itself: gritting the teeth, hardening the face features, clenching the fists, digging the nails into the skin, wearing a mask of cold-bloodedness and indifference, the funeral train of my feelings, emotions and my soul began. I am alive cemetery where no one will ever come..._

 _Taking the route back to TonDC, I quickly waded through thickets of trees covered with green moss, until my people don't notice the absence of me. As I approached my tent, I noticed a round object covered by a cloth on a tray, located at the entrance._

 _\- A gift from Queen of Ice nation. - entering after me in my chambers and holding the tray in hands, the warrior notified me. By the movement of hand I ordered him to leave. I went to the tray and slowly began to pull the cloth from the object, the picture opened to my eyes knocked me down hammered the last nail into the lid of my coffin... Costia's eyes covered with a shroud looked at me. On her forehead there was a phrase cut out with a knife : "Her death is on your hands"._

 **End flashback**

I was obtained to bury everything except pain. Since that morning it has been following me, depriving me of sleep. Since that morning every night, all that, I feel: it hurts...

Someone came in, pulling me out of the memories, focusing my gaze on the figure, I gave a voice:

\- Clarke.

\- Lexa, I ... - the blonde fell silent, unable to pick up the words.

\- What brought you to me, Sky Princess, at such last time? - My voice sounded tough, letting my companion understand that now I'm not tuned to secular talks.

\- Will it pass? - Her voice was buried in the sounds of crepitant insects and the crackling flame of a bonfire outside. She herself looked pretty shabby and exhausted. Sky people were our complete opposite, they were an open book, their emotions could easily be read. They were the mirror of their emotional state, which was unacceptable for the Grounder. For the Grounders emotions are weakness, and weakness must be eliminated. So we were taught since childhood.

\- No, it won't. But you will learn to live with it.

Without uttering another word, Sky Princess left my chambers.

In the morning we moved to the settlement where the rite will be held. On the road everyone remained silent, only occasionally Chancellor Griffin and counselor Kane whispered about something to each other, looking at me in disbelief. The Chancellor was worried about her daughter.

I gave her the opportunity to "purify" Finn's soul herself, giving his body to fire, I handed her the torch. Hoping that this will help the Sky Princess cope with his death. After leaving the square where the ceremony was held, I sat down on the trunk of a fallen tree, which was in the outskirts of the settlement. After a while, I felt the presence of a person. Clarke.

Without taking her eyes off the panorama unfolding in front her from the blue cloud-strewn sky and the green mighty forest, she asked me:

\- Why did you agree to conclude an alliance?

\- Was not that what you wanted? - lazily I answered a question by a question.

\- Yes, but not at that price. - trying to hide the sadness in her voice, Princess of Sky people retorted.

\- Blood must have blood. These are our rules. But it would be easier for you, if you would leave him to us. Because if it would be your will, Clarke, your blade would have struck my heart. Do you see, we are not so different, Sky Princess? - I said causticly, leaving no chance of rapprochement. I will not allow myself to be weak any more. And pain that sates in my chest helps me in this. Not for nothing people say: "Pain toughens up character" _._


End file.
